LOL   -   naughty but nice 

A couple of Irish lads are out for a fun night when they find themselves outside a church, and Mick says to Paddy: "Hang on a minute, I gotta go in here for a bit."

Now Paddy is disgusted with this, being it's the only night of the week they get to go out together, but he relents and lets Mick go inside when he says that it is something he has to to.

Anyway, Mick gets inside the confessional and tells the priest: "Father, Father, it is that I've sinned!"

"And what is it that you have done, my son?", asks the priest.

"I committed adultery, Father!"

"And who would that have been with, my son?", asks the priest.

"I'm not too sure I recall her name, Father.", says Mick.

"Would it have been Mary Murphy from down Dublin Road", asks the priest.

"No, no, Father, I don't think it was her."

"Well would it wave been Erin O'Connor from down Derry Road?"

No, Father, I don't think it was her."

"Could it have been Sinead O'Donnell from down Ulster Road?"

No, no, Father, I don't think it was her, either."

Might it have been Ellie Fitzpatrick from down Leprechaun Road?"

Not at all, Father, not at all!"

Is there a chance it was Mary O'Hallahan from down Shamrock Road?"

No, Father, I don't reckon it was her, either."

Ok, then, was it possibly Erin O'Michaels from down Blarney Street?"

No, no, Father, and I don'y know that I should be kissin' and tellin', neither, so I'll bid you a good evening."

Outside the church Paddy complains to Mick: "What the heck took you so, the night's not getting any younger and there's women to meet, Guinness's to drink!"

Oh ye of little patience, Paddy.  That was the most productive time I've ever spent in that church.", says Mick.

"What do yer mean, Mick, did you confess all yer sins to ensure yer gets to Heaven?"

"No, Paddy, I got half a dozen new leads."

Confessions
The Irish priest was waiting on Saturday afternoon for his usual parade of people coming to confession. In comes a man so drunk, he is stumbling down the aisle, bouncing from pew to pew. Finally he finds the confessional, goes in, and shuts the door.

The priest goes in his side and waits. Nothing happens. He clears his throat so the fellow might know he is there and ready. No reaction. Finally, he starts losing his patience and bangs sharply on the wall three times.

The drunk fellow in the confessional says, "It's no use knockin'...There's no paper in here either!"

An Irish lass goes into the confessional and confesses that she called a man a bastard.  The priest admonishes her and tells her that it is a mortal sin to call a man a bastard. "But Father, he made lewd comments about my breasts."

"But that is no reason to call a man a bastard," the priest replies: "not at all, at all."

"But Father!"

"What!  There's More?"

"Yes, Father!"

"In that case, you'd better come around my side, make yourself comfortable and tell me all about it."

With the the lass went around to the priest's side and made herself comfortable on the priest's lap in his cubicle. 

"So tell me,", says the priest: "what was it that this man did for you to call him a bastard."

"Well, Father, then he took off by blouse and bra before fondling my breasts."

"Like this my dear?", and the priest proceeded to do as the man had done, taking off her bra and blouse and fondling her breasts

"Yes, Father, just like that it was."

"But that's no reason to call a man a bastard, that's a terrible, terrible sin."

"But Father, then he hitched up my skirt, pulled off my panties and made wild passionate love to me"

"Like this my dear?", asks the priest as he proceeded to make wild passionate love to her.

"Yes, Father, like that it was, just like that."

"But that's still no reason to call a man a bastard... not at at, at all. It's a terrible terrible sin"

"But, but, but Father...."

"What, there's more??????"

"Yes, Father, I went to the doctor today and I found out he gave me a dose of the clap."

A few moments of silence goes by and all you can hear coming from the church is......

"THE BASTARD, THE BASTARD"