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Join Date 09/2004

Funny stuff pertaining to democrats...and other things......

Just stuff i found humorous...(Not all democrats are this way...)

The Top 10 Things Heard At The United Nations Commission On Human Rights Since Moammar Gadaffi Took Over : Link

My Favorite: 2) If you think my getting this job will make the US mad, wait until they find out Saddam Hussein has been made the UN's chief weapons inspector.

Politically Correct Fairy Tales
Hansel and Gretel

Hansel and Gretel were lost in the woods when they came upon a house made of candy and cake. An old witch invited them in and then captured both of them intending to eat them. Gretel had a chance save both of them by pushing the old woman in an oven but she decided that it would be wrong not to respect the witch's cultural traditions. So Gretel and her brother allowed themselves to be cooked and eaten. The witch was so happy with the children's actions that she invited all of her witch friends to the area. Soon thereafter, they ate every child in a hundred mile radius. Soon the whole area was filled with nothing but child eating witches and all the witches were very happy!

The Moral of the Story: You must respect the culture of others, even at your own expense!

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Fisherman and the Fish

An old man finds a fish. The fish says "Let me go, old man. I will reward you for my freedom by giving you anything you desire". The old man at the behest of his wife makes wish after wish. Finally, the fish decides the old man and his wife are being too greedy and takes everything he gave them away. Then the man and his wife hire Johnny Cochran and sue the federal government for not having federal regulations in place to prevent wishing fish from unfairly taking away previously given magical spoils. The judge ruled in their favor and they were both given 500 million dollars worth of taxpayer funds with which they lived happily ever after.

The Moral of the Story: It's the federal government's responsibility to fix every bad thing that happens in the world.

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The Three Billy-Goats Gruff

The first and second billy goat gruffs were stopped from going across a bridge to get food by a troll. Then the biggest and baddest billy goat gruff showed up. He told the troll he was going to kick his @ss. That greatly upset the first and second of the billy goats gruff who accused the third billy goat gruff of "hegemony" and "imperialism" and said that negotiation was the way to go. So the third billy goat gruff went away. Unfortunately, the troll refused to negotiate and first two billy goats gruff starved to death.

The Moral of the Story:It's better to starve to death than to fight!

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The Three Little Pigs

There were once three little pigs. The first little pig built his house out of straw. But the big bad wolf easily knocked it down. Then he ran to the 2nd pig's house which was made out of sticks. But the wolf came there and knocked it down too. Then both pigs ran to the American pig's house which was made out brick. When the wolf came there, the American pig pulled out a gun and blew his stinking head off. Afterwards, both little pigs who lost their houses started building their houses out of straw again. When the American pig asked them why they accused the American of being an "arrogant jerk" and of "acting unilaterally". But they secretly knew the American would always save them, just like he did in WW1 and WW2 so they could afford not to be prepared.

The Moral of the Story: Even though Americans are helpful, they're real creeps!

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The Ants and the Grasshopper

All summer long the ants worked and prepared for the winter while the grasshopper went to Rage Against the Machine concerts and played Everquest. The grasshopper laughed and laughed at the ants for working so hard. Then winter came. The ants had plenty of food and shelter while the grasshopper had none. So the government took the ants tax money and built the grasshopper a house, gave him welfare cheese to eat, and paid for courses at the local university that the grasshopper didn't bother to go to. When the ants complained everyone agreed that they were greedy rich jerks for having more than the grasshopper.

The Moral of the Story: Taking money from people who work hard and giving it to the lazy is compassionate!

The Republican's Translation Guide: What Are Democrats Really Saying?

Have you ever noticed that famous Democrats like Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, and Jessie Jackson seem to lie all the time? Well they're not really lying! You just need to learn to speak Democrat. That's why RWN created this handy, dandy, translation guide so you can understand what Democrats actually mean.

Our opponents refuse to compromise on this issue: The Republicans refuse to do everything we want.

That charge is outrageous: That charge is true but you shouldn't have brought it up in public.

We're united behind president Bush in this time of crisis for our country: We're going to cut president Bush off at the knees every chance we get.

Honey I need a little quiet time right now: I got drunk and drove a car containing a campaign worker I was boffing off a bridge. She's dead, the car is at the bottom of a tidal pool, and I have influential relatives to call and people to bribe before I call the cops so can you cut me a little slack?

Every vote must be counted in this election: Except for the military vote because they tend to go Republican.

The era of big government is over: But the era of Godzilla sized government is just beginning if I can help it.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman: We had sex on every piece of furniture in the White House.

I think we need to take a closer look at what's going on in this industry: I think we need to strangle this industry with red tape and new regulations until it's so screwed up that we have to take over.

We must address the root causes of this problem: We must not do anything to effectively address this problem. Instead we must raise taxes and pour dump trucks worth of money into whatever unrelated issue we have decided is the cause of the problem.

No justice, no peace: Give us money and we'll find someone else to bother.

He's in the pocket of big oil: He was once seen filling up the tank of his car with gas.

I didn't inhale: I was so stoned that I thought I could fly.

I have no information about where my former intern is: That's technically true. I told the guys I hired to kill her that I didn't want to know any details.

And finally, fun facts about democrats:

Who gave the Democrats a national convention? Well, before their crazy ideas can spread too far, I sent my crack research team to find all they can about the dreaded Crat’s of Dem.

FUN FACTS ABOUT DEMOCRATS

* Democrats chose the donkey as their symbol because the Democrat base smells as bad as one and has the same verbal skills. In the donkey's defense, it's smart enough to understand a butterfly ballot.

* Democrats are big into class warfare. They also are for gun control which has caused the deadliest firearms to be too expensive except for the rich to buy. So, if class warfare ever goes to blows, it won't last long.

* Though there are more registered Democrats, they don't vote as much as Republicans percentage-wise because of their tendency to be distracted by shiny things.

* Democrats have lost most of the men's vote because they're a bunch of girlie men. Don't tell them that, though, because they'll cry.

* Democrats are always trying to get into your wallet to spend money on their wacky ideas. If you see a Democrat near your wallet, hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper. You have to catch him in the act or he'll never learn.

* While the Democratic leadership is currently devoid of any real leadership or substance, they may try and make up for that with important-looking hair.

* Some Democrats may have served in Vietnam. You can find out which ones by seeing who tells you that fact over and over and over.

* And over and over and over.

* Many Democrats intensely hate Bush because it's easier than confronting the irrelevancy of their ideas. It’s funny to dump a bucket of cold water on them and hear them blame Haliburton.

* If your plagued by Democrats, they can be scared away with snakes, guns, or concepts of individual responsibility.

* Bill Clinton, who cost the Democrats their majorities in the House, Senate, and Governorships while he was president, is still venerated by Democrats because... uh... I guess they're just frick'n retards.

* Democrats will often visit maternity wards and shake their fists angrily at all those who escaped the wrath of choice.

* Democrats are secretly trying to destroy capitalism. If you see a Democrat near capitalism and looking suspicious, immediately report him to the police.

* In a fight between Democrats and Aquaman, Aquaman would be slurred by an NAACP ad that links him to lynching.

* The Democrats have built a giant statue in tribute to Michael Moore which eyes glow red, shoots fire out of its ass, and constantly demands tributes of ham.

* Or maybe that is just Michael Moore wearing a gray sweat suit. Whatever it is, don't let it fall on you because it's heavy.

* The foreign policy ideals of the Democrats involved waiting for the might France to approve anything they plan on doing. This should allow them to snap into action about the time half the earth is destroyed by radical Islamists.

* Every time someone votes for a Democrat, baby Jesus cries.

Note: Each humor item is the respective property of each author and was found at rightwingnews.com

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What ever happened to "super liberal"? Are you sending out feelers to figure out which philosophy will win you more friends (comments)?

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What ever happened to "super liberal"?

Ehh, Superliberal was a result of my brief 'identity crisis'. Not knowing where i stood, thinking i stood one way, when i realized: "why does it matter if i am a "liberal",or "conservative"... I'm me, thats all that matters. I don't owe any amount of rigid (or any) loyalty to either side really (or any party for that matter) ; if i view something one way, and it happens to be close to or similar to a liberals p.o.v.; whooptie-doo...

Are you sending out feelers to figure out which philosophy will win you more friends (comments)?

I'm not shady if thats what you think, or trying to garner votes.
No, i'm adjusting my ideals to how i am changing, and i am, and have been changing since i joined JU.

Making humorous and meaningless jabs at one party or another isn't illicit... I have less faith in parties now than ever before, sure they represent ones ideals, but are they needed? Can't a person just say that: "I view things this way..." and end things there.Guess not. Parties become involved. Next thing they know, the "party" crap leads to undesireable comments, actions, etc...

Frankly...if yer a democrat, republican, or a purple spotted zebra....doesn't matter to me...

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Once again, Lucas goes with the flow and tries to gain acceptance by jumping on the republican bandwaggon.

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'Frankly...if yer a democrat, republican, or a purple spotted zebra....doesn't matter to me...'
If that's true, Lucas, why go to such an overtly partisan source for your posts?

As I've said before, I'd be far more interested to read YOUR views than have you simply regurgitate those of others, of any political complexion.

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~yawn~

-Need some dayquil(sp)?

Once again, Lucas goes with the flow and tries to gain acceptance by jumping on the republican bandwaggon.

-Once again you miss the point...i'm not jumping on any bandwagon...it was a mere post of humor...period. Understand?

If that's true, Lucas, why go to such an overtly partisan source for your posts?As I've said before, I'd be far more interested to read YOUR views than have you simply regurgitate those of others, of any political complexion.

-Ehh, ever thought about it partisanly...my train of thought now is just, whatever...i'm not thinking in terms of "liberal" or "conservative"...i found this funny...thats it... but, if you wish to believe i'm full of bs, then fine...

-Thats fine, when i have them... and my view is i find this humorous...

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Once again you miss the point...i'm not jumping on any bandwagon...it was a mere post of humor...period. Understand?

Oh yeah, I understand. I understand a LOT more than you think I do. You're the one who doesn't get it, Lucas.

Oh, and btw.....none of this was funny.

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You're the one who doesn't get it, Lucas.

-Then what do i not get. I didn't plagerize, i didn't violate the TOU/TOS. You say to blog for myself. I have been. Maybe not in your view. But i have, my way...within the TOU/TOS, and with the advice/wisdom given to me. I am blogging for myself... I don't doubt you understand a lot more than i do. But i think you don't understand where i am coming from, or what i mean... I don't think many understand that.... Its almost as if the term "blog for yourself" is translated into: "as long as its this way"....perhaps i am wrong, perhaps my comments are asinine....but thats how i am viewing things at the moment....I'm not meaning to sound like an ass, but i probably seem that way...(Oh and i am writing an article pertain to this, not directly this...so ya know... )

Oh, and btw.....none of this was funny.

-Ok, different strokes for different folks...... I'll work harder to find things that amuse you...

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