On at least two recent ocassions I've been at movie theatres and wanted to take action against some fellow patrons. Read on, then tell me I would have been wrong if I had resorted to physical violence.
First, was with the wife at a theatre while on vacation. Checking out the movie "Must Love Dogs". (Nice movie actually, a very tolerable date flick if you have to find something both sides can agree with). We got to the movie plenty early, a nice theatre with stadium seats, and a nice row about mid-way up the auditorium that provided a plateau and major crossing aisle for all patrons. Thanks to that aisle, people seated in that row had more leg room than the other aisles, so we choose to sit there, knowing that anyone seated in front of us was going to be about 8 - 10 feet ahead of us.
My wife is (unfortunately) overweight, as am I. We picked seats about half way across the aisle where we would get a choice view of the screen. We left a space between us, and there were also a few seats to my wife's side, and a space or two between myself and the patrons to my side. The movie had been out a few weeks, so we figured it would not be that busy, but as it turns out, the place started filling up as the showtime approached. Though it was filling up, it wasn't full, and seats remained available, though spotted throughout. Mostly singles, a few doubles, and even a few triples or quad seating arrangements if one didn't mind looking and politely sliding down an aisle in front of patrons that were already seated.
Previews run, a few patrons straggled in, and still seats were available.
Feature starts, runs for about 5 minutes, and in come 3 elder citizens. I say elder, guessing at 50-ish, perhaps 60s. Gentleman with grayed hair, and two women.
The group walks up the stairs/aisle and starts scouting seats. I move over and open up a second seat to my side by sliding closer to my wife. At that point, the so-called gentleman in the group basically demands that the couple to my side move so that his party can be seated together. I say basically demanded because I don't recall a please or thanks. Just a rude tone asking the party that was there a solid 20 minutes before his groups late arrival to switch seats to keep him and his party from having to sit in a front row where they can strain their necks looking straight over themselves at the screen.
No big deal, the movie continues to run while Mr. Late and his friends stand in the aisle, blocking the screen for those behind them (including my wife and myself, and the other patrons in the few rows behind us). Eventually the patrons that were formerly sitting beside me have moved down a seat and opened up 3 consecutive seats for Mr. Late and the two ladies to sit in. They sit down and make themselves comfortable, with one of the ladies seated right beside me. No problem, or so I thought, until the ladie starts eating popcorn out of the bag she had brought. Never mind that by then most of the popcorn that patrons were eating was gone, since most of us had been sitting in the theatre for 20 - 30 minutes, had seen previews, had seen the first 5 minutes of the main feature, etc. The late arriver starts munching the popcorn, which is fine, but in between grabbing handfuls, she takes the bag of popcorn and shakes and stirs it up, making more noise than a set of baby rattles shaking through a PA system. That process continued with eat a handful, then shake and rattle the bag until the bag was gone. Including continuing through a period when I was very obviously shaking and rattling the large drink cup that I had which still had a lot of ice in it as a somewhat passive aggressive hint to the neighbor patron that she was making far too much noise.
Unfortunately my hints seemed to have absolutely no effect. The popcorn eating and bag shaking continued until the bag was gone. I was so close to grabbing the bag out of the woman's hands that I am amazed that I wasn't tossed in jail for assault. If I had been tossed in jail, I think half the theatre would have cheered and demanded that the cops leave me alone as a hero. That woman was that obnoxious.
I told my wife later that I should have just yanked the bag out of the woman's hands or at least told her that if she rattled the bag one more time I was going to stuff it down her throat, but that's all in hindsight.
Even more fun was that the noisy patron and her party were also obnoxious with their laughter (ill timed in most cases) during the movie. Enough so to make sure that their neighboring seated patrons couldn't hear the jokes and were left behind a bit during the movie.
Given the description here, would I have been right to smack the bag out of the old bag's hands? Shove it down her throat? Or, should I have just found an usher and asked them to remove the noise makers from the theatre?
Next up, went with the wife and my daughter to see Wedding Crashers. (Again, funny movie, worth the ticket price for sure). I counted at least 3 reminders to SILENCE YOUR CELL PHONE that were shown and verbally announced as part of the pre-movie previews and other information. There was also a reminder posted on the front door to the theatre and one on the front door of the cineplex lobby. That means there were at least 5 blatant reminders to NOT BE RUDE, SILENCE YOUR CELL PHONE. Can you see where this is going?
Approximately 2 hours (and going, the movie is a bit long, but quite good, and not too slowly paced) into the movie, we get to hear a happy ringing tone. Then 30 seconds worth of phone conversation where the offending patron tries to tell the idiot that called her while she's in the theatre that she'll call them back. (Actually probably more like a minute and 30 seconds). Ooops, I guess she missed the warning to turn off the phone, or at least silence it. How she missed it, I can't be sure. It only showed at least 3 times while the same individual was seated watching previews.
Now, with that fine example of idiocy to set the stage and remind all patrons to keep their damned cell-phones off (or keep them quiet), how long would it take before the next idiot gets a call and sets off the wonderful ring tone?
If you took the under on the 10 minute mark, or bet on 5 minutes to win, you're due for a prize. Ask to collect it on your way out of the theatre.
Again, given the description above, what is the appropriate response?
Anyone know Ms. Manner's phone number and whether or not she provides lessons in movie theatre patron behavior? Maybe Martha Stewart (have her teach the classes as part of her community service requirements!!!)
