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Gene Nash
Gene Nash
Join Date 12/2003
+24

Top 10 Reasons I Should Be Pope

how do i pope thee? let me count the ways...

April 18, 2005 6:17:25 AM from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Dear Princes of Rome,

Please weigh the following ten items when considering my nomination for Pope. Thank you.

10.  I'm part Italian. You get to have an Italian and non-Italian Pope at the same time.
9.  I'm multi-lingual, so I can keep up that whole "talk to them in their own language" thing.
8.  I look good in weird hats.
7.  I have relatives in Italy, so you wouldn't have to put me up or anything. (But I don't eat much, if you want to keep me.)
6.  I don't know any Nazis. (I've never even met Schwarzenegger.)
5.  I'm not into porn, so I won't get smudgy fingerprints on the collection.
4.  I'm not a psychopath, so I won't pull that whole "Name of the Rose" thing on those Cardinals, et al, who do get smudgy fingerprints on the collection.
3.  My stigmata experience was not the result of a nasty paper-punch accident, no matter what you've heard.
2.  3 words: Pimp My Popemobile.
1.  I've secured a commitment from several prominent Ayatollah's to issue a fatwa against Dan Brown immediately upon my ordination.

And, oh yeah, I'm also well versed in Christianity and religious stuff, if that helps any.

Yours,
Gene Nash


P.S.

Reasons I shouldn't be Pope:

I look lousy in Red.
I'm not Catholic. (Though, Nona Campici used to be. Doesn't that count for something?)

humor
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Gene Nash
ParaTed2k
Join Date 12/2004
+35
Reply #1 April 18, 2005 6:22:46 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Methinks I can already see tendrils of white smoke!! ;~D
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Gene Nash
Gene Nash
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #2 April 18, 2005 6:44:06 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Methinks I can already see tendrils of white smoke!! ;~D


I hope so. I could use the gig.

Just in case, here's another one:

11. I disagree with that whole "Pope = Antichrist" thing the Pentecostals/Evangelicals have going.

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Gene Nash
Danny Bassette
Join Date 02/2003
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Reply #3 April 18, 2005 6:47:42 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
I'd offer to vote for you if it would do any good. What would your pope name be?
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Gene Nash
Dr Guy
Join Date 09/2004
+129
Reply #4 April 18, 2005 7:17:59 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

I was going to ask if you were Catholic, until I got to the end.

Sorry Don Nash, but you are not eligible, regardless of how well you look in funny hats!

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Gene Nash
Gene Nash
Join Date 12/2003
+24
Reply #5 April 18, 2005 7:20:46 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
What would your pope name be?


I've decided not to go with a traditional name. Instead I'm going to use a symbol. It'll probably be a variation on the one Prince used, but with a halo.

This is the initial design:



It is to be pronounced, "The Pope Formerly Known As Gene."

I'd offer to vote for you if it would do any good.


Wouldn't it be wonderful and exciting if the whole world could vote for Pope? It could be like going to 7-11 to vote for NBA All-Stars players or something.

Unfortunately my arch nemesis Cardinal Ratzinger addressed this in an interview with the London paper The Independent way back on June 27th, 1990. He said, "Standards of conduct appropriate to civil society or the workings of a democracy cannot be purely and simply applied to the Church."

Even then he was already angling. Wily old devil....
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Gene Nash
Gene Nash
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #6 April 18, 2005 7:25:51 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Sorry Don Nash, but you are not eligible, regardless of how well you look in funny hats!


Piffle. I have several Priests on standby, ready to perform whatever rites of conversion are necessary.

(It's amazing what a few casks or choice ancient wine will buy you.)
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Gene Nash
Dr Guy
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #7 April 18, 2005 7:27:21 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

(It's amazing what a few casks or choice ancient wine will buy you.)

Let me guess.  These casks use to contain water until you got ahold of them, right?

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Gene Nash
Gene Nash
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #8 April 18, 2005 7:37:57 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Let me guess.  These casks use to contain water until you got ahold of them, right?


See, I'm already racking up miracles. Can I depend upon your testimony?

That reminds me of another one:

12. I'm already infallible. Why not make it official?
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Gene Nash
kingbee
Join Date 04/2004
+42
Reply #9 April 18, 2005 7:50:20 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
*hands you the aspergillus*

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Gene Nash
Dr Guy
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #10 April 18, 2005 7:58:17 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
#9 by kingbee
Monday, April 18, 2005


The Potato?
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Gene Nash
Gene Nash
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #11 April 18, 2005 8:13:27 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
*hands you the aspergillus*


I promise to use my aspergillus only for good, and never for evil.




Bless you, my son.
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Gene Nash
kingbee
Join Date 04/2004
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Reply #12 April 18, 2005 8:23:59 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
The Potato?


las papas. por ejemplo, 'papas y cerveza'.
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