feline

Join Date 04/2001

understanding the opposite sex, and other great questions

it is time we had one of those almost deep and meaningful threads, something to get people thinking and chatting, yet disconnected from the world of skins and uploads.

it seems that there are three great unanswered questions in the world today:

a) where does all of my chocolate keep on disappearing to?

what is the ethical position on me kidnapping aliens, and using them for a cat bed over the weekend?
c) why do SO many people believe that the opposite sex are totally incomprehensible?

well, lets tackle these in order.
question a: i am awaiting results on the big pit traps i put all around my chocolate stash

personally i suspect that fuzzy logic has something to do with this...

question b: there seem to be regular circuits of hype about alien abductions. the thing is, if some alien turns up, and lounges around looking like a cat bed, then it is really so wrong to take the natural course of action, and sleep on them for the weekend?

question c: now this is the hard one.

let me start with two recent events at work:
* man asks the office what he can get his girl friend for her birthday. the obvious reply "something she likes" fails quite spectacularly, since it turns out he has no real idea what she likes *stunned expression*

* manager at work (another man) comments that "if God had meant men to understand women, he would have provided a manual." since he doesn't seem to understand women, this seemed to be his real opinion on the subject.

after much study, i have reached several conclusions on this subject:
* humans were put on earth to make a fuss of cats

* men think logically
* if you understand the situation and the man, most men behave in a logical and quite understandable manor.
* women think logically
* if you understand the situation and the woman, most women behave in a logical and quite understandable manor.

so, how come only cats seem to be able to understand both men and women? how come men and women cannot understand both men and women?

do cats understand men and women? of course they do! all you have to do is to watch a cat, and see how well the cat can apply their understanding of the humans to the task of getting appropriate treatment

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Oh feline - no feline !

most women behave in a logical and quite understandable manor

a) I sense the oncoming of a spellchecker

You have clearly spent more time with Aliens and cats than women

c) and here is my clinching argument - see if you recognise it

"If you don''''t know - I''''m not telling you"

[Message Edited]

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Jafo

Join Date 03/2001

+1845

oh very well....'manner'.... Spell checker

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"If you don''t know - I''m not telling you"

That statement right there is the very reason men cannot understand woman. It's because we can't read their minds. They completely expect us too and have no comprehension why we cannot. I have told my wife this fact and she responds with a "I don't know why not" and truthfully means it. Personally, I think it's a conspiracy between the aliens and woman to take over the earth. Men are simply pawns in a great galactic game of domination. We have already lost and really have no further interest in it.

As for the cats...they belong in the microwave or hanging from a tree branch.

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And FYI...don't tell anyone...but I heard one time that there is a theory that woman and aliens are in actuality...the same thing!

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...and then they invent Viagra...as if we didn't already have enough problems with them thinking with the right head

omg roflmao too funny feline!!!

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ImStein

Join Date 01/2003

+93

Q. A: I know where all the chocolate goes, my hubby eats it all!

Q. B: If it looks like a cat bed, feels like a cat bed, use it as a cat bed!!!

Q. C: I'll answer with a question... If I tell my husband exactly what I want, even point it out, and make a big fuss over it, then why do I not get that, but a bottle of parfume, tha I don't wear?

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The Journeyman - I sense the oncoming of a spellchecker

the post went through IE Spell, in UK mode, twice, with no errors before being posted! feline *raspberry*

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The Journeyman - You have clearly spent more time with Aliens and cats than women

feline goes to check my official gender...
*a few moments later*
well, that didn't help much, these forms need more boxes! i could instead point out i spend more time talking to women than i do talking to men

as for aliens, alien is a matter of perspective. feline suspects that humans are the aliens

The Journeyman - c) and here is my clinching argument - see if you recognise it
"If you don't know - I'm not telling you"

that happens when the two people have no common terms of reference. when you get to this point, you cannot communicate. first you need to find some common words, and common ground.

let me translate into more "male" terms. your car gets traded into a 50cc scooter. you stand next to the scooter, and say "this is the problem". what do we see? we see a motor scooter. what is the problem with that?

to you it is SO obvious. however, the rest of us have to realise what should be there before we can comment.

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ToeJo - That statement right there is the very reason men cannot understand woman. It's because we can't read their minds. They completely expect us too and have no comprehension why we cannot. I have told my wife this fact and she responds with a "I don't know why not" and truthfully means it.

women read expressions, tone of voice, body language, etc.
mind reading isn't required, simply listening to all that she is saying is all you need to do

this is how women can have whole conversations without men knowing they are saying a single word.

ToeJo - As for the cats...they belong in the microwave or hanging from a tree branch.

cats pass through the microwave when ever there is food in there we want to eat

tree branches are cat beds, and are also nice and high up, which means that we can watch all of the humans running around down below us

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Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+493

As official chocolate moderator, I have to test all chocolate before it's allowed. It should be no surprise then to find all your chocolate missing - it has been moderated!

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ImStein2 - A: I know where all the chocolate goes, my hubby eats it all!

feline *rolls eyes*
you aren't supposed to tell him where your secret chocolate stash is! this is the whole point of having a secret chocolate stash

ImStein2 - B: If it looks like a cat bed, feels like a cat bed, use it as a cat bed!!!

yep, this works for me

ImStein2 - C: I'll answer with a question... If I tell my husband exactly what I want, even point it out, and make a big fuss over it, then why do I not get that, but a bottle of parfume, tha I don't wear?

feline wonders what he was looking at while you thought you were showing him...

have you considered plan B, which is you take him out with you on a *targeted* shopping trip to get this item? remember, the poor little darling probably doesn't handle shopping trips of more than about 1 minute very well, so just go straight for the ideal item, and put it in his hands.

if you are feeling daring you can let him wrap it for you before he presents it to you

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Fuzzy Logic - 6/9/2004 12:46:41 PM As official chocolate moderator, I have to test all chocolate before it's allowed.

feline *radiates innocence and purity*
i really wouldn't want to impose on you, i know how busy you must be with your new responsibilities!

however, there are a couple of little chocolate items i have just acquired. i suppose you will have to test them if you insist...

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Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+493

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Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+493

These new chocolate items. Wouldn't happen to be something coated in chocolate would they?

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this is how women can have whole conversations without men knowing they are saying a single word.

Aaah I see where the confusion lies - no feline that should read:-

"this is how women can have whole conversations without men being able to get in a single word

Still I suppose there''s always the international language of Chocolate

[Message Edited]

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Fuzzy Logic - These new chocolate items. Wouldn't happen to be something coated in chocolate would they?

feline is sworn to secrecy!

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ImStein

Join Date 01/2003

+93

I do stash the chocolates, and don't tell him!! He must be part Blood Hound! and Yes, I have taken him on a "targeted " shopping trip, to no avail, he just don't get it!!

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ImStein2, first we need to find a more cunning place to hide your chocolate. inside your tummy is probably a good start

as for targeted shopping, how about plan C:
"get me this specific item, and if you get it right then you will make me happy. if i am happy, then you will get a reward"

just put the whole thing in terms that will get his attention

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Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+493

I have considered question C many times and have concluded women and cats are very similar in many ways. They are both lazy, independent, useless with mechanical things, never do as they are told, leave hair all over the place... and purr when tickled

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fuzzy, you left off "indescribably cute"

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I.R. Brainiac

Join Date 05/2003

+281

My front yard was once a cat circus...All the local cats hung out at my place.Very entertaining.

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A cautionary tale.

'Er Indoors' decides one Summer she would like a chamomile lawn. So your very own Journeyman dutifully raises 84 individual plants and once they've matured - prepares an area of garden where there is a bench and then carefully transplants all 84 individually and carefully grown plants to create a beautiful half crescent lawn where she can sit on a bright Summers day and brush her bare feet on the plants to release the gentle aroma of chamomile.

You're very own Journeyman was then informed by 'Er Indoors' after experiencing this delight of sight and aroma that she had changed her mind cos 'she didn't like the smell'

Go Figure (this is a true story)

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kona0197

Join Date 02/2003

+86

Feline: Cats don''t talk!!

(well Cats do talk but we Humans can not understand them.)
[Message Edited]

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My dog is male my cat is male my husband is male...all of them do what they're told...........lest I smite them mightily with my mighty mouth
................they're all feisty independent little danglies
they chase their own tails...they sit pretty....they say oooooh! Thank You!!!!

............they know where the 'treats' come from

Good lil fellers all of em!

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ImStein

Join Date 01/2003

+93

Fuzzy, females can work the mechanicals just fine... we just prefer to let do the job.

Kona... my cats do talk, one even says "Mom" on a regular basis, usually when he wants me to fill his food bowl, or turn the water on in the bathtub, so he can play with the drops of water.

Yes, he is a strange kitty

feline, I will take your advise to heart(and tummy)!

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