Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+497

Why do some people have to be difficult?

For the last twelve years I've been going in my local pub every Friday for a game of cards and a few beers. It's a nice group and we have a great night. About six months ago, someone new joined us, herein referred to as 'D' - no problem, all are welcome. But he has PC problems, basic ones. A while back I went and sorted his PC for him, which I don't mind doing for anyone. However, he has yet more PC problems, and now believes I am his own personal PC World

Three weeks ago he asked me to spend Saturday morning fixing his PC - I said no. He got really angry and said this isn't what friends are for, now we know where we stand etc etc. We've not spoken since then. Some of the others have expressed their concern about his behaviour. I've said, not to worry and to forget about it. It's not worth the trouble.

Last Friday 'D' invited a couple of friends, and ordered a full spread of food, sandwiches etc for everyone. However, he said the food was for everyone except me...! No problem, I wouldn't touch it anyway.

Then, to my surprise, not one of our group touched the food. In fact, one of my friends got up and told 'D' to his face that if one of his friends was excluded, then he was excluded too, and that he could keep the food. This guy 'D' was then left with a dozen trays of food, and no-one to eat it!

I didn't ask for any of this. I prefer to stay out of the way, mind my own business and not get involved in any aggro. But somehow it has been thrust upon me.

It was a great feeling to find out everyone was behind me. I won't forget that - that's what real friends do. I think this 'D' needs to learn something about friends, because he appears to have none right now

.

I now have until next Friday to decide what to do. 'D' needs to be sorted. The last few weeks you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I'm not putting up with him upsetting everyone like this. It's not in my nature to seek confrontation, but I'm afraid for everyone's sake, I'm going to have to do what's necessary.

Suggestions of a non-violent nature welcome

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WOM

Join Date 01/2002

+253

Fuzzy, after my heart attack I've come to the conclusion that life is to short to carry or worry about this type of things plus all the other stressful crap. I would just explain to him that if he wants to start fresh, he is welcome to partake in your group activities and that you don't mind showing him what to do about his PC problems when you have time, but not if its going to become a weekly occurance. If he can't understand that, cut him loose.

Not sure if this helps.

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Jafo

Join Date 03/2001

+1847

Ruling out homicide.....then you'll need to 'convince' him that the repairing of the PC, etc should be seen as a kindness on your part and that he has no rights to presume upon the 'friendship'.

Quote the phrase 'looking a gift horse in the mouth' perhaps.

Failing that....homicide works wonders...

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Good advice from two wise folks

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That guy clearly is confused about what friendship means. It seems to me that you have to try and distance yourself from this person. Its a situation unlikely to change.

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Agree with #4 This guy sounds pretty vengeful to have pulled such a stunt aver such a simple thing as not being his personal IT guy. Even if you make peace for now I suspect his nature will surface again and you'll be in the same boat again. It's great you've got a bunch of friends who'll stand by you like that.

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Alternate Setting

Join Date 03/2004

+24

Hi Fuzzy - once read a golden rule about never getting down to the level of an idiot - because once you do your on there homeground, plus they've got the advantage of experience on their side

. In short - just live your life, do what you'd normally do and don't get into any mind set that involves 'teaching' him anything. Hope it pans out ok

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NightTrainthedark

Join Date 07/2003

+255

There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, Mine , and the Truth. You must choose your battles. Have you looked at the whole situation from his perspective unbiasedly? Has he done (Given) anything for you to show his friendship or does he just "Take". Does he just try to buy everyone's friendship and then expect people to do things for him in return? That is the only way that some people know how to show friendship.

Sounds like your group is very tight. Assuming you are in the right, you should just try to talk to him, kiss, and make up. His response will tell you everything you need to know. If he is a friend, it should be cleared up in a snap. If he wants to continue the pissing match then he was never your friend from the beginning. Savour the friendship you have with the other guy's in the group and don't let your relationship with them get sloppy in relation. Your friends backing you up should take care of him unless he holds it all against you.

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KarmaGirl

Join Date 03/2001

+118

Just tell him that helping him the first time was free, but if he needs more help, he'll have to pay for it. (Dress like a pimp cocaine dealer for the occasion).

This is why you should never help people with their computers

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Keila

Join Date 10/2002

+27

Given you friends reaction to D leaving you out of something "the food" it sounds like this guy does not belong in your group of friends to begin with. It seems that you have a close knit group, why have a spoiler included at all.
Hopefully he will get the hint "it did hit him right upside the head" that trying to come between anyone in your group will not work. Thus, decide on his own that he really should not be a part of of this particular group.

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I.R. Brainiac

Join Date 05/2003

+281

Tell him you think he is very attractive and he has hurt your feelings terribly...that might get him to go away...then again you might have a new problem.

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Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+497

Brainy - I'm giving him your address

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Tiggz

Join Date 08/2003

+39

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(Dress like a pimp cocaine dealer for the occasion).

I like you more and more everyday, Angie

Fuzzy, there are people like this everywhere and frankly, there is no good way to 'handle' them. While I prefer getting ugly with them, in the final analysis, he isn't going to change and you'll get upset (although, there is a certain amount of self gratification involved). Usually, they're quite shallow and if you tell this obvious ingrate that your initial help was complimentary and you have your own life (and that he should get his own), I believe he will disappear as quickly as he appeared.

If logic fails (and it probably will) then Jafo's advice is excellent:

"Failing that....homicide works wonders"

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#10 by I.R. Brainiac - 6/6/2004 11:01:57 AM Tell him you think he is very attractive and he has hurt your feelings terribly...

BTW Brainy...it appears you were out on the streets waayyyyyyyyyyyy toooooooo long

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Koasati

Join Date 07/2001

+21

Yep.... I was just thinking along the same lines as Gary. Tell him you helped with his computer once, but you didn't "take him to raise"

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Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+497

I'm hoping he did get the message. After the food incident he didn't return to the card tables, but then he did have a lot of food to eat

Quite a few have said they hope he doesn't come again. There have been other 'incidents', but not with me.

If it was just me, I'd let it go. But now everyone's getting upset

He's spoiling a good night out. So he has two choices: He stays, behaves, and treats everyone with curtesy and respect. Or he leaves. I don't want to make a decision for the whole group, but if he backs me into a corner it's going to be the latter.

The homicide option is also appealing

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NightTrainthedark

Join Date 07/2003

+255

Or, help him with his pc problem and install a subliminal pop up message telling him to be a kinder person.

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...or install remote administrator and have no end of fun!

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Leo the Lion

Join Date 05/2003

+100

Fuzzy, have you discussed a solution with the rest of the group?

I think you guys need to leave your handbags at home - sorry Fuzzy, only joking - seriously though, you obviously are a sensitive and considerate sort of guy (which are values which are sadly lacking in todays society)and a chat with the group to find a group solution where he will feel comfortable again and not alienated but he knows where he stands when it comes to taking the piss out of his mates is a good way forward

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Only thing I'd add here is that this person may be an itinerate social outcast who's just now stumbled across your group. For some reason I can't articulate well, I have a suspicion he moves around from group to group, trying to fit in, and his little "social pathology" ultimately results in him having to move on again.

I guess my sense of appropriate action here would be to recognize his attempted manipulation and hijacking of a pre-established social group for what they are and "Just say NO !" in whatever way he seems to recognize best. Eventually, he'll realize the futility and move on to find another prospect.

That's my take, but not all that different from other folks that already responded.

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Perhaps your group could find a different place to meet on Fridays? If he can't find you, he can't bother you? And who knows you might even find a place you like better!

Really, what WOM said is good advice....life is way too short to end up upset! It only hurts you in the end and then the problem has won. Doctors are finding that most all of the major health problems have their beginning in extreme stress, anger, unforgivness, etc. Why let one person destroy a good thing?

Blessings to you Fuzzy. (...whenever I see you name on here reminds me off a little poem I learned in my "salad days"! "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear...."

)

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Perhaps your group could find a different place to meet on Fridays

I don't think you should have to alter your lifestyle because of someone elses attitude.

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Fuzzy this is NOT the way I would handle the situation. But, get your group and go to another local for ONE friday night without telling him of course. The next friday go to your own local and if he sits down at the table arise en mass and move to another table. If he follows ignore him completly. It may be difficult to get another table (Friday night at the local) if so, stand in a group somewhere else.

Non-confrontational, and he should get the message. My way, at that food incident, I would have been shoving those tasty morsels up and down his orifices until he said he wasn't hungry any more. Best of luck

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I don't see myself as someone who is looking for problems. I am always trying to stay out of them at anytime and avoid them.

Last friday night something simular happened.
I was out with some friends and ran into someone familair. I knew the guy from years ago but as he was a friend of the people in the bar, and said me hello, I kindly said hello back and I left my group of friends for a few minutes to chat up with him.
After a couple of minutes I returned to my group of friends and continued the conversation we were in. later the evening he asked if he could join us so I introduced him to the people that didn't knew him and we had quite a good time.

One friend of mine occasionally drinks a bit too much. This is no problem as we always bring him save home and we have a good reason not to drink too much ourself. He is really a funny guy and you can always laugh with him.
This night too he had a few beers too many and totaly by accident he spilled some beer over the table, hitting the guy who joined us.
He stood up and shaked my hand and left to the bar.

When we were about to leave this pub he called me. I joined him for a couple of seconds at the bar and I found out he was REALLY angry about my friend spilling beer over him.
I told him it was by accident but he just couldn't let it go.
As we left the pub he came along with us and told me he wanted the guy to appologize.
I asked the guy who spoiled the beer to appologize, just to stay out of trouble.
He kindly appologized but this guy just kept telling how mad he was about it etc etc. He just couldn't accept it.

I was out with quite a few people. Some of them are 'quite large' (former football players

)
The guy who was quite clearly out for a fight just kept whining and pushed my friend.
We all understood this was going to get out of control. the other people of the group kept them appart and I left with my friend so I could bring him home.

The next evening we returned to the bar (We had some things to celebrate this weekend

).
As some of you may already have figured, the same guy was in the bar.
My friend walked towards him, shaked his hand, gave him a beer and said "sorry about yesterday mate".
Without waiting his responce he left and rejoined us.
Didn't hear anything about it all night lang.

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I think this D is more trouble than you actually know. I would tell him that his company and friendship are not wanted and that he needs to just move on. If he acts the way he did just because you didn't want to be his personal support center then theres alot more in store for you and your friends in the future.

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