This is a really busy week for me...
We have to do our public speaking peices for school
here is mine:
The following is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU. The author was accepted and graduated Magna Cum Laude in 1997.
In order for the Admissions department of our University to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: are there any significant experiences that you have had or accomplishments that you have realized, that have helped you as a person thus far?
I am a truly dynamic figure who is often seen scaling walls and crushing blocks of ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate baseball box scores for Russian refugees. I write award-winning operas. I am known as “Mr. Time Management”.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row to embrace the adage. “Sink or swim.”
I woo women with my sensual trombone playing. I can pilot a bicycle up severe inclines with unflagging speed, I cook “Thirty minute brownies” in seventeen minutes! I am an expert in art stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a hefty glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I addressed Congress at the opening session last year. I have been subject of a PBS documentary narrated by David McCullough. When I am bored, I construct large suspension bridges in my yard. I hang-glide to school when the weather is balmy. On Wednesdays after school, I repair electrical appliances for free.
I am an abstract painter, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless procrastinator. Critics have swooned over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen – yet I still receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won weekend passes.
My deft floral arrangements have earned my fame in international botany circles. I am known as “Mr. Bird Watcher” at the Audubon Center. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at minute moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, David Copperfield and Moby Dick in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dinning room set that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the local supermarket. I have performed several covert operations in New Zealand for the CIA. I sleep once a week when I do sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada I successfully negotiated with a group of anarchists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics don’t apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I doge, I frolic and I pay cash instead of using my American Express card. On weekdays – to let steam, I engage in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven.
I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and Spelling Bees in the Forbidden City. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis…
But I have not gone to college…
