My most retarded moment came after I headed home from a Christmas party at work. I was feeling no pain and had a 45 minute drive home, which after five minutes on the highway at 55 mph (then the speed limit) I knew I would never make it, so I rolled down the windows in my Firebird, turned off the heat, turned up the stereo, and increased my speed to 75 mph, weaving in and out of the slower traffic in the three lanes of the highway. I got within ten miles of my exit to my house when my car lit up like a Christmas tree. It was the state police pulling me over. I pulled over to the side of the highway, and realizing that I had not yet paid the sales tax to get my license plates for the car, and the plates on the car were for my old one, I reached over to the glove box to get the pick slip showing that I had bought the car. Well, the officer, who was coming up on the drivers side of the car, saw this and quickly went around to the passenger side of the car and shouted for me to get out of my car and into his vehicle. I did as he requested and went around the front of his patrol car, opened up the front passenger door and sat down only to have someone shove me forward and tell me to get off of him and into the back seat. I had just sat in the lap of another state patrolman that I did not even see!!!!!!! I knew then I was a dead duck. To make a long story short, I got in the back seat with the patrolman I had sat on starting intently at me. The other patrolman got into the car and begin reading off a ton of sitations that they were charging me with ending with the words "you are either trying to kill your self with your driving or someone else!" To which out of the blue I blurted that I was speeding home to catch my wife in bed with the guy she was cheating on me with and was going to kill them. Well, God was smiling on me because all of a sudden the patromens demeanor changed. As it turned out both of them had just gone through a divorce because of cheating wives. We spent the next 45 minutes talking about things I needed to do to help me survive my predicment,and they even gave me they names, address etc....as well as their lawyers name and telephone numbers. They tore up all the tickets but the one concerning the license plate as they had called that in and could not now change it. They sent me on my way and to this day (about thirty years later) I have learned two things from it...one, that God truly was smiling at me on that day, and two, never, ever, drink and drive!

Having sex with old boyfriend when my father came home from work. OMG! That was my most stupidiest thing I ever did. My dad told his neighbor friend & his mama (my Gramma.) That was embarassing. My old bf & I hurried to our shorts on. He forgot the water bottle cuz he rode the stupid bike at my dad's house. I gave it to him. Couldn't look his UGLY face. *gags* My dad was angry. I learned my lesson. I want my old bf DEAD & buried. > > > I hate old bf soooooooo much for what he did to me since we started dating. > >

Iplural: do yourself a favor: get rid of those forign bikes and get a american made bike.

If you are American, buy American. Nothing like the sound of a harley anyways.

I have so many retarded moments that I wouldn't know where to begin. I am always saying something out of the blue, totally off the wall and dumb. Just the other day on this very discussion board, I said, "That didn't tell me squat". Very harmless comment, not meaning a thing other than I couldn't find how to make a screen shot by going to the screen shot website" when I got the answer of "clean up your table manners". I would have liked to crawled in a hole and died. I never even thought of that being a rude comment. I am from a small town in Ohio with probably small town vocabulary (although straight A student) and didn't mean to be rude. That was like saying "I didn't find out anything there" to me. I was totally crushed and swore I would never open my mouth again on a chat/discussion board or for that matter among adults again. I just felt like the crudest, scumbag, low-life, dumbest, gross broad that ever existed. It bothered me for days afterwards.

2 days ago, I was waiting to make a right turn. In front of me was a Motorhome with a car in tow. After about 5 minutes, it seemed obvious to me that the guy driving was never gonna get a chance, or the nerve, to make the turn into traffic. I figured I could cut through the bank parking lot on my left. Since I was a little ways past the bank entrance...
Now the retardation sets in. Without a second thought or glance in my mirrors, I threw my Pick-Up (company vehicle btw) into reverse , hit the gas and backed over the hood of a Ford Escort. I traveled all of 3 feet and managed to destroy the front end of this woman's car. My truck has not a scratch. My ego is badly bruised.

in '72 we used to swim from thailand to laos across the mekhong north of phibun and picnic on the riverbank right in front of the pathet lao guerilla sentries up on the hillsides just to tick them off. we would moon them before leaving, and they would generally shoot a few rounds wildly at us ( it's very hard to hit a target which is far out and also far below you. one day one of the PL got lucky and hit T squarely in the right buttocks with a miraculous shot. we got him across the river and rushed him to the airbase hospital ER. things went well there with our phony story as to what had happened, until a sharp-eyed nurse noted that T's bloodsoaked pants had no bullet hole in them! we were then forced to relate how he'd actually gotten shot.

I shot myself in the butt with a 2 inch nail gun once

I cut the end of my thumb off with a saw....no....not a power saw, a tenon saw.

Just call it a dose of the brain-fades....

I was cutting a 2x3 structual aluminum post down on a chop saw one afternoon which was on the ground and my brother walked by telling me to squat to one side of the blade or the other and not straddle it when cutting. I ignored him and he walked around the side of the house and I started cutting and right when the blade was finishing the cut the post moved and bound the blade for half a heart beat "BANG" that 4 inch drop ripped loose and hit the back stop and shot out between my legs and "OOMPH" my hands dropped between my legs and all air left my lungs as my eyes rolled up back into my head. No pain, just a numbness and my brothers head popped around the corner and he asked "You ok?" and I turned and looked at him as I fell over and passed out as the total numbness was replaced with excruciating, throbbing pain which I swear was felt from my crotch all the to my throat. I woke up as he started the truck and was explaining to the home owner that I probably wouldn't be any good for the rest of the day and we would be back in the morning, or Mike would if I couldn't
Needless to say, I always mentioned to others getting ready to cut on a saw to stand to the side or there might be a price to pay...

@Jafo and china and IPlural

Jafo wouldnt you have had to make more than one stroke?
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IRB.....frankly I can't remember....I think it was one stroke....but then I was introduced to exactly how many nerve endings are in one thumb and really wasn't interested in details for quite some time....

My most retarded incident happened when I just got my license (1981) anyhow my best friend let me drive his Plymouth Duster and we went cruising one night around the Towson area scoping the local honeys. We spotted these fine young ladies walking by the mall, and I just had to show off by hanging my head out the window making cat calls Meanwhile back to reality there was a red light ahead of me to which I did not notice along a few stopped cars! Wouldn't you know it, I decided to hit an off duty police officer in the rear of his car while these girls were watching And they thought that was very funny! But the cop didn't. Accused me of being drunk and was trying to kick my butt through the car window! After that my friends insurance company wouldn't cover him unless I signed a paper stating I wouldn't drive his car again.

My single greatest act of stupidity still haunts me in my dreams sometimes. When I was in the Army stationed at Ft. Bragg, NC, one of the perks was being able to skydive for sport on weekends very inexpensively. Reserve and National Guard pilots needed the flight time so the flights went on anyway, and you could jump as many times as you could land, repack your parachute and get back on a helicopter or plane. Several of us had hundreds, even thousands of jumps this way, and though not careless, we did get kind of reckless at times as adrenaline built up and reduced the oxygen supply to our brains.

At any rate we always jumped with our main chute as well as a reserve for safety. One weekend I and a few others had been trying desperately to perfect a complicated formation while freefalling, and we were running out of time for the day. So after our next to last jump, we just wadded up our main parachutes and stuffed them into the containers so they looked like they were packed properly for inspection, but we knew they would not work and we would have to use just the reserve. By doing this we saved about 15 minutes and could get in one more jump for the day.

As you can probably guess, one of the guy's reserve chute malfunctioned and he partially collapsed my chute as he streamed by before he got it corrected. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but I still have nightmares about what could have happened.