Idiot # 1
>
> I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
> at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
because
> she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the
> ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
> the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
to
> mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
> the ants.
> I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room
right
> away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
>
> Idiot # 2
>
> Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
> steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
> successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for
a
> float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised
> them. It turned out that the chopper was
> homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was
> inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys.
> Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
>
> Idiot # 3 - A true story out of San Francisco:
>
> A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
And
> wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in
> this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
> he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
> the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
> America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
> After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
> teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
> >errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
she
> >could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
> >America deposit slip and that he would either have
> to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
> Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and
> left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at
> Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't
> read it anyway.
>
> Idiot # 4
>
> A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
> his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
> later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead
> of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days
> later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture,
> this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Another sign
> (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!
>
> Idiot # 5
>
> Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the
> cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
> robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
> behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in
> the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't
believe
> you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
> give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber
took
> his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
> looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the
> Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
> cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
> robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours
> later. Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!
>
> Idiot # 6
>
> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
> The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
> When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This
> guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.
>
> Idiot # 7
>
> Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd
> just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
> and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
> window. The cinder block
> bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
> unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The
> whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign
>
> Idiot # 8
>
> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a
> Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and
> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
> because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
> food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
> they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
> walked away.
>
> Please note that all of the above people are
> allowed to vote.
