Okay, so I'm late posting this, so what.... I've been busy. Live with it!
Besides, it was such a list, it simply couldn't be done in one night, on New Years Eve. Not only that, I had to devise a strategy so that I'm not left depressed or disillusioned at the end of the year. I dunno about any of you, but I always feel like crap a day or two before New Years Eve because I kept none of my previous year's resolutions and feel like a failure.
Anyhow, this year I've devised a strategy to avoid that sinking, depressed feeling next December 30th, etc. Yup, I've come up with a much longer list of resolutions, many of which I know I can't keep, so that when I've just kept the one or two I'm gonna feel whole lot better about myself come late December 2013. I figure if I make 20 or so and only keep one, well I've succeeded... and in feeling so much better about myself and decidedly more confident, I'll realistically be able to aim for two or maybe even three in 2014.
Anyway, here goes....
1. To remain smoke free for a fourth year starting January 15th
2. To remain sober into my eleventh year and only fall down because of accident, not because I'm drunk.
3. To refrain from frivolously using cuss words and to stop calling the effwit next door an effwit.
4. To go easier on bankers this year.
5. To go easier on politicians this year.
6. To chew my food more rigorously to see if it helps reduce gas.
7. To remember to put the toilet seat back down when I'm finished
'Ere, wait a minute! Who am I kidding? Fuck the bankers! Fuck the politicians! Oh well, there goes half of number 3. 
8. To stop plucking my ear and nose hair with tweezers and use the battery operated hair removal gadget Shaunna bought me last year.
9. To cancel my Playboy site subscription and stop kidding myself I only go there for the articles.
10. To politely ask the effwit in the low-set next door to turn his music down instead raining rocks down on his tin roof until he does.
11. To take the bucket of rocks on the back patio and put em back in the garden if 10 works.
12. To improve my aim and take out the efwit's power at the meter if 10 doesn't work.
Oh well, looks like 3 is all but gone. 
13. To take people who believe in global warming more seriously... and if not, to stop calling them effwits.
14. Remain another year curried cabbage free, just in case they're right.
15. To keep growing old disgracefully yet never grow up too much at all.
16. To make a shorter list next year [note to self, 20 was a bit too much to expect]
Hmmm, perhaps I should make one that leaves me with a bit less time on my hands 
