I am starting the day off right with a fresh brewed cappuccino!!

The cafeteria is closed for spring break....

That only means I have no source of food for the next five days......

Elfkura cries

This is a dorm. We're not allowed to cook in our rooms. And as for my boyfriend's mom? Blah. If I can seen or hear less of his family, the better off I am.

No one beats my mom is cooking. Rob's mom may cook nice, but she needs to learn to have a bit of variety.

I'm cold...I'm hungry.

Hmmm Elf, wellll then I hope you can make killer cold sandwichs for this guy? hehe

(try to get along w/ his mom)

But Doreen, thanks for hanging in here with me.

He did respond. He asked me what I would do in his situation. I told him. I said I would compromise with my parents. If I ask for time now, I return it sometime later. He said he'll use the spring break to spend quality time with me....I said I wanted the entire spring break. He said that wasn't possible. He -had- to go home. His excuse was he wasn't home very much the past two years.....

I relented. I settled for Spring Break. I settled for a compromise that wasn't mine in the first place. He'll spend half of his time home, and half of it here with me. It was better than nothing.... I told myself that....

But then he said he won't be here summer cause his parents want him home. 3 months..... His parents has managed to occupy, not only the summer (that I understand, it's a financial issue), but also half of spring break... my wanted quality time.

So I ask myself when can I get the real deal? After college? Six years from now? When I finally get married? I don't know. He never gave me a sure answer. Of course he can't, life wouldn't let him, or me. I just keep telling myself that it would get better. For every up there is a down....and it continues in a cycle.

They say love should withstand every obstacle that comes on the path. I've stood unbudging for this long, holding all things inside me, only pouring it out on my journal.....

I don't want to move on. I love him more than my life..... He's such a rare find...

I always seem to find myself braving an ice storm just so I can find that one lost item so close to my heart.

Oh Doreen, I wish I could do as you say.

He's trying hard to though. It's not as if he isn't even trying to do something. He sheds tears. He's cried. I know he has. He tries so hard, that's why I don't push hard.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the both of us just stumbled and fell, needing a bit of rest....

Maybe after a while, when we've finally pull through all the other little problems we have, then we can pull back together.

Until then, there really is only hope.... and understanding.

Maybe I should quit whining and just enjoy the time I do have with him (in school only), instead of asking for more.....

Thanks, Doreen

Hmm, I called up Rob........ I guess he's returning a bit earlier than he said he would on Wednesday.....

*sigh*

Sorry Elf, I went into irc looking for you tonight, but I missed you and can't go back again, off to catch some Zzzzz's right now...

but we'll catch up soon

Doreen gives this thread CPR

This thread always seems to linger near death on the weekends. Let's see ... waste time at work reading/replying here with a T1 while I'm getting paid, or waste even more time at home waiting for this to load over a 56K connection. You do the math.

Let's see... Cook Islands, South Pacific. That's where they're doing "Survivor" now, right?

JavaBrain,

I understand your point of view perfectly, and I hold the same views too, to an extent (so it's not quite possible to get mad at you).

I'm his first girlfriend (and he's my first boyfriend), so I'm willing to help him learn, just as I'm learning. First ones seems to have more trouble than the rest, as after experience, people learn.

Yes, I understand that parents are protective and posessive. Mine are too as sometimes I find myself battling for my own time against them. My parents, as protective, as possesive, has slowly learned to let me go for periods of times. There are some times were I can't argue, but there are times were I can compromise and make an arguement reflect on my side.

Granted, I don't know his parents well enough to place such a piece of judgement, but Rob really hasn't talked to them yet. I don't know if he's afraid, but I know he's uneasy. Both of us grew up learning not to say "no" to Mom and Dad if they have no unfair demands. Having kids home is just one of them.... to a certain extent.

Both of us are 20, and we're talking the first steps other people have taken a few years back, and maybe more. We're late bloomers it seems.... but I guess with time, with patience, and a lot of ranting, we'll get by... or I'll knock some sense into his parents for him....

Parents play a role, but as Cordelia of King Lear declares to her father....

CORDELIA
Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave
My heart into my mouth: I love your majesty
According to my bond; nor more nor less.

KING LEAR
How, how, Cordelia! mend your speech a little,
Lest it may mar your fortunes.

CORDELIA
Good my lord,
You have begot me, bred me, loved me: I
Return those duties back as are right fit,
Obey you, love you, and most honour you.
Why have my sisters husbands, if they say
They love you all? Haply, when I shall wed,
That lord whose hand must take my plight shall carry
Half my love with him, half my care and duty:
Sure, I shall never marry like my sisters,
To love my father all.

KING LEAR
But goes thy heart with this?

CORDELIA
Ay, good my lord.

KING LEAR
So young, and so untender?

CORDELIA
So young, my lord, and true.


True, that is marriage..

Even though having a gf/bf relationship isn't a marriage committment, there needs to be some sort of one. Rob knows this, but his parents don't seem to remember as their dating years have been...at least past into the 20s...and counting.

We've talked for an hour over the phone yesterday. He said he'll change, he'll correct things....

and me? I'm stubborn. I refuse to let myself dis-trust him. Maybe he isn't the one for me, but if he is? Then what? Walk away and never turn back?f

I love that play