Even better with paper towels.  Reach up to rip one of those suckers off and the next thing you know half a roll is spewing in the air across the kitchen.  I think that's where that ribbon dancing Olympic event came from, at least that's about what I look like trying to reel it all back in.

Then he should stop eating peanut butter I guess. Either that or use the re-usable type TP. It only get brown on one side at a time anyway.

I think the good Cap'n has a few too many sheets in the wind sometimes, perforated or not.

Sorry, Dave, but by the time I had responded to kitty's post I was beat... too tired to think..... anyway.

Um, don't you mean 'worse'?

Anyhow, don't get me started on paper towels.... like don't you think I have enough worries with toilet paper manufacturers already?

Hang on a minute, tho, paper towel manufacturers... toilet paper manufacturers... could they be on in the same... bastards to the enth degree because they have not only short-sheeted us but have let quality control slip to the point that perforations will soon become a thing of the past.

Now Dave, with all your paper towel training, and I'm sure you're quite proficient by now, have you ever considered trying out for the Olympic team?  Yeah, I know, you don't think ribbon twirling is the sport for you, but think about it.  Not only do you get to travel all over the world to compete in various competitions, team management pays for your skin-tight leotards and tutu thingies, so it costs you little or nothing and you'd look good in them as well.

Yeah, I know that' Uvah, but the trouble in reusing it is waiting for the used side to dry... so you don't get sticky fingers.  I had thought about hanging it in the sun on the washing line, but I wouldn't want my neighbours knowing I'm such a tight arse... or if they're such tight arses themselves, stealing it off the line before I can pick it in when its dry.  And NO, the clothes dryer is NOT an option.  Suggest it and you'll have mrs s to deal with.

Pick my battles better?  Why?  Don't the TP manufacturers deserve some grief for short-sheeting billions of customers to turn a quick buck?  And don't TP manufacturers [paper towel manufacturers as well... thanks, Dave] deserve getting some grief for letting quality control fall below an acceptable level, where perforations are practically non-existent and costing us more money as a result? 

Yeah, I suppose I could speak up against bankers, but with the 'Occupy' folk all 'round the world protesting, what would that achieve?  They're shouting long and hard and I'm not likely to be heard, so I may as well attack somebody else [other than Google] who deserves it.  I did read, however, that 'Occupy' protesters in NY are getting free HIV testing because they've been 'active' with various strangers.  Not that I'm worried about HIV or any other STD's, but it'd be a free blood test that'd give me a heads up with cholesterol and diabetes, etc... things I should be concerned about, I guess.  So long as they don't use it to prove yet another unaffordable paternity, I don't mind.

I did consider joining the 'Occupy' protesters in downtown Brisbane, cos I sure love to have a good bitch about shit, but I was dissuaded by the fact that I have piles and didn't want to camp out on a cold hard pavement outside the banking sector.  More to the point, if I got caught short and really needed to go, the banks have far worse toilet paper than I have here at home.  Yeah, I know, the bank executives have plush toilet paper and oodles of it, but can you honestly see one of those bastards giving me the key to the executive bathroom after all the bad-mouthing of bankers I've done over the years?

WhereTF do you get those?  I haven't seen anything above 500 sheets here in Oz... and yeah, it's that single ply shit, which means, if you don't fold it into multiple layers [which defeats the pupose of trying to save money] your finger ends up in the.... yeah [no need for graphicz]

Okay, so I don't wanna know where you can get those... but while I'm at it....targeting TP manufacturers, I might as well have their business addresses so's I can start the grief process for them as well.

Yeah, that'd be right... live in the lap of luxury while we peasants struggle with short-sheeting, irregular perforations and [as I've recently learned] splinters.  If it weren't for the fact your nick is CarGuy, with the emphasis on Car, I'd swear you were an effing banker, here just to rub our noses in it.  However, while we're on the subject of your Charmin Plus WITH Aloe, does the aloe help soothe haemorrhoids, or is that a fallacy?  Just curious!

It's the darned leotards, it ain't my ass!  It's the leotards I tell you...

Dave, how did I know you were going to say that?

I can't quite turn my head to see these days, bad neck won't let me... but if I look at the rear shot in the mirror I can see quite clearly why I DON'T wear anything as tight as leotards.  Don't tell anyone, like let this be our little... er, big secret, but that's the reason I don't fly to Tassie with mrs s...  can't afford to cos the airline wants to charge me for 2 seats.  Bastards!!!  Yeah, I saw in the mirror, but it ain't that f**king big.  Truly, I can still squeeze into one seat without bending the armrests back... honestly I can.

Actually, once I'm done with the paper products people, I might start on the f**kin' airlines... for all the shitty stuff they do to folk.  For example, Qantas [like it needs any more bad rep right now] threw a passenger off for smoking in one of the onboard toilets.  He was apparently told that he broke the rules and would have to walk the rest of the way.  Yeah, right!  Like how was he gonna manage that with 20kgs of luggage?

The other place this is beginning to happen is suburban public transport... charging big bottomed patrons double, whether or not they take up two seats.  It was only the other day when the guy at the railway ticketing office tried to charge me for 2 seats.  I said: "What?  You gotta be kidding me, surely?"

He responded: "Well sir, you are a little rotund, don't you think, and your occupying second seat may deprive another passenger of it."

"What a smart ass," I thought: "Rotund?"  So I gave him a piece of my mind [which had to be done sparingly.. given I'd already given a piece to Bastard at Brassall] and I told this ticketing imbecile in no uncertain terms that I was merely a little portly, that he was trying to rip me off and I was going to the Transportation Ombudsman with his name and badge number to complain. 

That unsettled him some, but more to the point, I asked: "And what about all those times when I was skinny and had to stand for entire journies, because there were no available seats?  Do I get a f**king refund for all those times I paid for as seat that, through no fault of my own, I couldn't f**king use?"  First you call me a fat arse, then you try to overcharge me, and now you're trying to tell me that I get no freaking refund because some fat arsed bastard occupied MY seat, paid only for one, and forced me to stand?  I WANT TO SEE YOU F**KING BOSS... RIGHT FUCKING NOW."

Well that did the trick!  I frightened the crap out the poor, petrified bastard, and I got my 'one seat' fare.  Threatening him with the ombudsman almost clinched it, but demanding to see his boss tipped it entirely in my favour.... being his boss happened to me his mother-in-law.  So yeah, I guess it pays to stand up for your rights.  Thing is J-Lo and Beyonce have big arses... but you never hear of them being charged for 2 seats.  Admittedly, their arses are probably sexier than mine, but that's not the point, is it!

Ah...these new Australians....I bet you've never swung a Billy, have you? ....

impressed by your efficiency....

a couple of dock icons for you to help you store your correspondence........    I know how fastidious you are in all things... especially when you're on a roll.... 

A trait that runs in the family, is it? 

Hehe, I wasn't wondering about the being thrown out of Ireland bit.

What d'yer mean... when a plane load of Poms arrives at Sydney airport, the whining carries on for an eternity after the engines are shut down.

There is one UK export you're welcome to have back, though... that parasite politician, Juliar Gillard.  That's one ten pound tourist we could have done without.