These planking plonkers have no idea how it's really done.
As I recall [back to when I could plank... er, went stiff as a board] I had a woman under me. 
For mine, plankers have to have two plonkers.... couldn't get that friggin' silly pulling just the one.
I thought cow chip throwing contests were stupid,
No actually, there's a lot of scientific stuff goes into competitive cow pat tossing.... like aerodynamics and such... not to mention wind velocity measurement and the effect of sunspots on an oscillating flying turd.
Yup, some turd tossers take their sport very seriously. Why some contestants even affix trucker-style lights to their UFO's [Unspecified Fecal Objects] for greater visibility and dramatic effect. It has been rumoured that the UFO's over China recently are in fact off-course Unspecified Fecal Objects, and not of extraterrestrial origins after all. However, it is suspected in some scientific quarters that crop circles are the work of competitive turd tossers, and that said circles are the result of contestants showing off their low altitude aerobatics.
