Would Guinness publish a record like that?

I tried to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the person who could pee the farthest.

Trouble was, part way into my attempt the stream broke momentarily, a couple of drops his the ground before the finish line and they disqualified me for not maintaining one constant and continuous stream.  Bastards.  I blamed the wind because there was a gale blowing right across the arena,  but they still wouldn't record my feat of 27 feet 11 inches and wouldn't wait around while I drank a carton of beer so I could try again.

Bugger the hat.... next time I'll have a direct pipeline to the brewery and a fermenter full of shandy.

It's like the brewery official who had to inform a woman she had become a widow... that her husband had fallen in a vat of beer and drowned.

"Do you think he suffered?" she asked.

""No, I don't think so," responded the brewery official: "he got out 3 times to pee."

That's not as bad as the Scots distillery worker who fell in a vat of whiskey and drowned, however....

Not only did he get out 7 times to pee... when they cremated him it took 4 days and 6 fire trucks to put out the blaze.

In fact, if you were to hang a rag from the mouth of an inebriated person and lit it, would he/she become a human Molotov Cocktail?

Yup, that'd do it every time.

So what do you give a politician with halitosis, apart from duct tape and a mint?