There was a young man from Darjeeling

Who got on the train to Ealing

It said on the door

don't spit on the floor

so he carefully spat on the ceiling.

The cabin boy's name was Randy

By gawd he was a dandy

They rubbed his bum

In red hot rum

For piddling in the Capn's brandy.

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There was a man from Nantucket

Who kept a duck in a bucket

When the duck got out

He'd give a very long shout

And his bulldog tried to pluck it

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There was a man from Bel Air

Who did his girl on the stair

On the 99th stroke

The banister broke

And they finished it off in mid-air.

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The cook's name was Mable

By golly she was able

She gave the crew

Their daily stew

On the galley table.

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The First Mate's name was Carter

By crikey what a farter

When the wind wouldn't blow

And the ship wouldn't gp

They used Carter the farter to start 'er

it seems as this is all to easy for the captain...lol

There was a young man from Trieste

Who was rather partial to breast

So finger lickin'

He loved his chicken

And always ate it with zest.

There was a bloke name Uvah

Who got his wotsit stuck in a Hoover

So he went to the Doc

Who put vaseline on his c**k

And began to heave ho.... hoooova.

There was a young man from Saint Jude

Whose tourettes caused him to be lewd

He'd cuss away

And use profanity all day

Then slap himself around the face cos he's a prude.

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There was a young lady from France

Who frequently goes into a trance

She'd sleepwalk at night

Only to wake in fright

When she discovered she'd left home without pants.

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There was a sergeant major named Treloar

Whose wife was a bit of a whore

She was unfaithful just twice

With a milkman named Price

And once with his regiment in Lahore.

There was a young ladt named McBride

Who fell in the Harbour at low lide

You could tell from her squeals

That some of the eels

Had found somewhere cozy to hide.

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The was a young man from Calcutta

Who had a thing for fresh butter

Though not to eat

But put on his feet

To help him slide faster down the gutter

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There was a young lady named Tresize

Who was considered a bit of a prize

Good with needle and thread

She could also bake bread

And her specialty was battered cod with fries.

There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil

There was a young man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Said he, "I'll admit
She does smell a bit,
But look at the money I save!

There was a young man named Hamel

Who'd always worked with enamel

'Til one very fateful day

When the Legion whisked him away

And next thing he's having sex with a camel.

There was a young fellow who was under Duress

because he'd gotten himself into a terrible mess

For too many laxatives he took

Because he didn't read the book

And his trip to the lavatory was by way of express.

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The was an old bloke name Trelore

Who was considered a terrible bore

So one day his exasperated wife

Thought to spice up her life

And hired the services of a male whore.

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There was a man named Freeman

Who was thought to be a real demon

Because for dinner he ate

Four raw hearts on a plate

And washed them down with a cup of cold semen.