banned for going to the caddyshack

banned for being scooped

Banned for impersonating a platypus. Why do they call it a platypus anyway?

Banned for not throwing another shrimp on the barbie... and for questioning the meaning of life.... which BTW is just a movie and will not give you any answers as to where babies really come from.  To learn that you need to watch The Scarlett Pimpernel [read Alvin Purple] Rides Again.

Banned for either leaving the toilet seat half up or half down.... and why is there toilet paper out on the washing line to dry?

Banned for Who uses toilet paper?  Since they reduced rolls from 240 to 180 'much smaller sheets' [and 'still' put up the price regardless], I use newspaper cut into appropriate sized squares.

Banned for no news is good news... so turn the TV off around that time and spend some quality time with loved ones instead.

Banned for that's why you have so many kids... cos TV was introduced to the masses not just as entertainment but also as a form of contraception.  So get with 'the program' and don't change channels unless it's to avoid ads.

Banned for streaming TV cos it causes blurred vision, knocked knees  and runny noses... not to mention uncontrollable cravings for pickled cucumbers smothered in Tibetan gooseberry ice cream.

Banned for lamb chops from the butcher taste better than from a supermarket.

Banned for having your hand up a puppet's ask no questions tell no lies, ever seen a Chinaman doing up his flies are a nuisance, wasps are worse, and do you get into trouble when you curse.

Banned for three monkeys climbing up a stick, one fell down and paralysed his, Dick was a bulldog sitting on the grass, along came a bumble bee and stung him on the, ask no questions tell no lies, ever see a politician undoing his flies are a nuisance, ants are worse, see if you can come with as an entertaining little verse.