I should join the military, I'm so fucking combative. I went out last night, very angry inside. Perhaps because I'm stuck on this island, perhaps because I don't really fucking know what will make me happy but I'm pretty sure Okinawa won't be the prime of my life. Although, recently the drama and action that I've come across is pretty heightened and the feeling that I might be maturing and grounding myself here might even scare me. So 6 months here and I have nothing to hope for except a bigger bank account.
But this anger inside isn't going away and I don't know how to soothe her. She acts like she's been raped and pillaged ever since she was a child, when she actually has one of the most stable childhoods known to man. She's restless and wants to be seduced. This sailor might make me happy for a while, or he might leave tomorrow.
So I go out with a vengeance that no one deserved to be the victim of. And this episode of 7th heaven even makes me angrier because life should be this simple. And I should be able to bag some of these hot gringos and marry a hot cop that has emotions that show themselves a little in public. That isn't such a fucking case to deal with. I'm so sorry I hurt you I should tell everyone last night. I'm sorry I'm acting like Billy Bob, and he's had this complex since the day he was born.
And the fucking sailor called last night. And put a smile on my face. It should've suppressed my anger, but it really didn't. Perhaps because their were cuter skinnier guys at the bar. Perhaps I felt like I was settling again and the Anger keeps on coming back. And the Anger came back last night, I hope the anger doesn't consume me. Perhaps it already has. And we can take control, or we can let the anger control us. It's funny how life works in cycles, and how his fucking baggage did really become mine. And I'm taking it out on people that I love the most. And it's not right.
