"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have
some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and
read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible
phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.
The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their
cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female
parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
A man stops into this little backwoods restaurant for lunch, and after
finishing his meal he inquires the way to the rest room.
He's told that it's around the back of the building, so he heads through the
back door, finds the outhouse and takes a shit, only to discover there's no
toilet paper. But there is a sign on the wall that reads, 'Wipe yourself with
your finger, then insert the finger into this hole, and your finger will be
cleaned with great attention.'
So the man wipes up and sticks his finger through the hole. On the other side
is standing a little boy holding a brick in either hand, who claps them together
at the sight of the finger poking through.
The guy screams in pain, yanks his hand back, and starts sucking on his
finger.
Jesus was out walking one day, when he came across a stoning.
Jesus looked at the crowd and then said, "Those amongst you who have no
sin shall throw the first stone."
A man at the back of the crowd yelled, "Jesus, you always want to go
first!"
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was
bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some
very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that
terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?"
the manager asked.
"That's the one!"
"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get
rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But
tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his
fucking guide dog bit me."
This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer
and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"
Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to
which the little boy responds "No."
"Then you can't have one."
A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I
have on of those?"
Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to
which the little boy responds "No."
"Then you can't have one."
Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy
a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says "I just won
$50,000"
Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?"
The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your
asshole?"
"Yes," Says grandpa.
"Then go fuck yourself"
