While medical researchers continue to conduct study after study on the causes of cancer in people today, most of which are conducted solely to propagate the incomes of the researchers, I have conducted my own extensive research on this subject. (Is that a whopper of a sentence, or what?)
My research may have a great deal more credibility than that of others because I do not stand to make a single dollar from it. (Although a Nobel Prize wouldn't be refused). I have conducted this research solely for the benefit of my fellow man.
After years of exhaustive research I have discovered the true cause of cancer in people today. Pickles!
99.9% of all the people who get cancer have eaten a pickle at some point in their lives. How much more conclusive can you get?
Be healthy; don't eat pickles.
