I guess it had to come to this. If it is to be my swansong, oh well.

I made a comment in a thread. It was taken the wrong way. Maybe it was my wording...maybe it was my fault it was taken the wrong way.

The 'response' struck a nerve. This is a partial quote, out of context, but it cuts.

It's time you publicly showed more 'community spirit' and a little less of this antagonism.

Don't look for it, it was sent privately. The author may or may not come forward to explain. I don't know and at this point I don;t care. I don't need an explanation.

I have made mistakes and always have done my best to admit to them and apologize. I have deleted some of my own posts (when we could) but left the apologies. I may have been embaressed or ashamed of some of the mistakes, but I took responsibility because some of things concerned not just myself but community issues or other people here and I wanted to dot the right thing. I have pursued certain questions and certain things I have felt I either didn't understand, were poorly defined, or were unfair. I have persistently pursued these things for several reasons.

1. I may have felt I didn't get enough of answer, an unclear answer, or an unsatisfactory answer.

2. Members of THIS community PM, email me and ask 'Why aren't they answering?".."Why did they ignore that question?"...etc. You know who you all are.

3. Memmbers have gone after the same answers I have and lost their cool and left, were banned, or suspended. Some of them contacted me. Some were mad or confused as to why I didn't lose my cool and thought I was kissing ass. I explained that I wanted to try a civil approach so the issue would not or could not be dismissed because I lost my cool as well. And I kept pushing.

4. Journeymen, site employees, volunteers, and long time members contacted me and said 'You're doing well" or "Don't give up" or even advised me when I was pushing TOO hard and to ease up.

5. Members contact me to comment on my lack of response or progress and then say they would comment but they are afraid they would lose their cool or say the wrong thing and be banned or suspended or just ignored.

In all of these communications, in all the threads, in all the things I tried to do...and the things that don't even include these issues and questions, this is the first time my community spirit has come into question. Until now, I have heard from all the above mentioned that they admire my love for the community, or that I care for it as much as I do. They seem, until now, to understand that I don't do these things just to annoy. Though, my tactic has been to 'tap on the shoulders of those I want to talk to or communicate these things to" like a 2 year old until they responded, it has not been to annoy.

So, here you are. I tried. Some of you will write and say 'I told you so'. That's cool. I don't care. What I want to hear is that my 'community spirit' is lacking from you. That I am just a shit disturber and just like annoying the mods and admins. That it was all a big joke and waste of time. YOU tell ME.