Now let me remind you who this is coming from, yeah that’s right it’s coming from me, the shitter seat guy, as if that’s any constellation prize… Anyway, The point of this article really is to demonstrate how frail goldfish are… it’s amazing really. Now I bring this up because I was thinking the other day, something I really don’t do much, because it takes so much effort, but I was thinking and it dawned on me that I never had a gold fish that lasted more than 48 hours in my care. I know, I know those are horrible statistics to go by, but its true.
    I remember as a kid I would go to the county fair and I would always win a goldfish, now you would think as many goldfish fatalities as I have under my sleeve they would say sorry kid here a nice immortal plush animal for you to have, but oh no, nope, not happening, here you are kid congrades… another goldfish to the slaughter house.
    The sad thing is that I was getting goldfish even as a young, young boy, not that they lasted more than 48 hours because to be frank with you they didn’t, no chance in hell they would. Anywho this actually has a purpose; you see there are no hunting licenses for goldfish so it’s pretty much open season for them. Well, me being the wildlife protector that I am, I helped quell their numbers until it was a good time for them to breed again.
    Anyway, at one point in time I can still remember this clearly as if it was only yesterday, which isn’t saying much for my short term memory other than the fact that I really don’t have much of that left, thanks pot, owe ya one kiddo. I had just been to the county fair for that year and what did I win that entire night… another bloody goldfish… which wouldn’t live for very long that’s for sure. Well, I had just gotten off the school bus and rushed into the house, my sister and I had both won one, I assure you, hers seem to survive a lot longer than mine ever will.
    As I rushed into the house I ran to my room and started to set up the little octagon shaped tank my mom found me to put the little doomed fishy in. I poured the gravel in there and I put the face ass plants and all that good stuff and I went and got the water, well I had it all set up and ready to drop the fish in there. I don’t name fish for a good reason… which we will find out why soon enough. Well I then drop the fish in there and watch it for a little bit and what not, watched it swim around and stuff, and then I left the room to go watch cartoons, cause I was a kid that’s what I did with flair and style, watched cartoons.
    Well, I got done with watching them after about a few hours, hey I could watch them for day give the right supplies of food and shit. Anyway I went and got me a snack out of the kitchen something simple most likely, like cereal or something, who knows, that’s not the point anyway, I then eat and after I am done I put my bowl away and tromp back to my room to look at the fishy again… =| It was belly up at the top of the tank. You can cry now. I didn’t but it was a little sad, I mean they didn’t even make it 5 hours, within the tank… they had to say bye, bye cruel world so soon. Shit happens.
    Anyway, I took him out and flushed his dead ass down the toilet just like the rest of them that had come before him, so he went to meet his maker. A word of advice for all those goldfish lovers… hot water is not good for them, in fact, it hurts them… yup that’s what I learned… and goldfish aren’t the devil, but it got you to read this load of early childhood crap so in the end I win. =]

Adios.