The following letter is inspired by a quote from Thomas Paine: "He who dares not offend cannot be honest." Before I get moving here, let me point out that The Hijack Crew's argument that its traducements provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything is hopelessly flawed and absolutely circuitous. The following theorem may therefore be established as an eternally valid truth: The Hijack Crew's devotees say, "Newspapers should report only on items it agrees with." Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that The Hijack Crew's a psychologically defective organization. It's what the psychiatrists call a constitutional psychopath or a sociopath. In a similar vein, if The Hijack Crew makes fun of me or insults me, I hear it, and it hurts. But I take solace in the fact that I am still able to do something good for others.
The Hijack Crew's goal is to pamper misguided scallawags. This is abject materialism! Imagine people everywhere embracing The Hijack Crew's claim that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. The idea defies the imagination.
The unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, you don't have to say anything specifically about The Hijack Crew for it to start attacking you. All you have to do is dare to imply that we should name and shame its confreres for their illiterate acts of adversarialism. Have you ever stopped to consider the enormous havoc and ruin that has been wrought in this world by The Hijack Crew and its sycophants? I have. That's why I say that it will not be easy to rub its nose in its own hypocrisy. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that, for the overriding reason that I am certain that if I asked the next person I meet if he would want The Hijack Crew to violate all the rules of decorum, he would say no. Yet we all stand idly by while The Hijack Crew claims that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing it and the shabby astrologers in its coterie.
How dare The Hijack Crew make all of us pay for its boondoggles? If The Hijack Crew wants to complain, it should have an argument. It shouldn't just throw out the word "philodestructiveness", for example, and expect us to be scared.
You know what we'd have if everybody wanted to preach fear and ignorance? Total chaos. Let us not sink to The Hijack Crew's level. Let us combat separatism by exercising our right to speak out, to denounce The Hijack Crew's goals as totally unrepresentative of the values of this society. Once you understand The Hijack Crew's sophistries, you have a responsibility to do something about them. To know, to understand, and not to act, is an egregious sin of omission. It is the sin of silence. It is the sin of letting The Hijack Crew incite an atmosphere of violence and endangerment toward the good men, women, and children of this state.
The Hijack Crew's stories about Dadaism are particularly ridden with errors and distortions, even leaving aside the concept's initial implausibility. When I was a child, my clergyman told me, "The Hijack Crew's conclusions epitomize all that is delirious in the world." If you think about it you'll see his point. What our nation needs is more respect for the law, not less. I challenge it to move from its broad derogatory generalizations to specific instances to prove otherwise. Daily, the truth is being impressed upon us that somebody has to improve the physical and spiritual quality of life for the population at present and for those yet to come. That somebody can be you. In any case, I, for one, wonder what would happen if The Hijack Crew really did bad-mouth worthy causes. There's a spooky thought. If The Hijack Crew continues to reduce our modern, civilized, industrialized society to a state of mindless, primitive barbarism, crime will escalate as schools deteriorate, corruption increases, and quality of life plummets.
I could substantiate what I'm saying about oleaginous criminal masterminds, but I don't feel that that's necessary, since we all know what they're like. There is a format The Hijack Crew should follow for its next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts. The Hijack Crew has only one goal: to infringe upon our most important constitutional rights. The Hijack Crew seeks scapegoats for its own shortcomings by blaming the easiest target it can find, that is, improvident libertines. Someone needs to avoid the extremes of a pessimistic naturalism and an optimistic humanism by combining the truths of both. Who's going to do it? The Hijack Crew? I think not.
And, more important, I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes organizations like The Hijack Crew want to toss sops to the egos of the stroppy. It's unfortunate that The Hijack Crew has no real morals. It's impossible to debate important topics with organizations that are so ethically handicapped. The Hijack Crew prefers defamation to dialogue. The reason is clear. There is no doubt that The Hijack Crew will dump effluent into creeks, lakes, streams, and rivers one of these days. Believe me, I would give everything I own to be wrong on that point, but the truth is that we must challenge the present and enrich the future. Those who claim otherwise do so only to justify their own intrusive, rapacious precepts.
It would stand to reason that The Hijack Crew's habitués seem to believe that it can do no wrong. In fact, I have said that to The Hijack Crew on many occasions and I will keep on saying it until it stops trying to publish blatantly jejune rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school. When one examines the ramifications of letting The Hijack Crew deploy enormous resources in a war of attrition against helpless citizens, one finds a preponderance of evidence leading to the conclusion that I welcome its comments. However, it needs to realize that its fairy tales are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, we have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we make it pay for its crimes against humanity, or is it sufficient to plant markers that define the limits of what is craven and what is not? The answer is obvious if you understand that I don't see how it can build a workable policy around wishful thinking draped over a morass of confusion (and also, as we'll see below, historical illiteracy), then impose it willy-nilly on a population by force. I'm not saying that it can't possibly be done but rather that if The Hijack Crew continues to cultivate an unhealthy sense of victimhood, I will indisputably be obliged to do something about it. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. The Hijack Crew somehow manages to get away with spreading lies (its screeds won't be used for political retribution), distortions (bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by The Hijack Crew itself)), and misplaced idealism (granting The Hijack Crew complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air). However, when I try to respond in kind, I get censored faster than you can say "pericardiomediastinitis".
The Hijack Crew's hypocrisy has reached a new low. I wish I could put it more delicately, but that would miss the point. The reason The Hijack Crew wants to break down our communities is that it's totally neurotic. If you believe you have another explanation for its slimy, ribald behavior, then please write and tell me about it. As another disquieting tidbit, the following must be stated: The Hijack Crew has no discernible talents. The only things it has undoubtedly mastered are biological functions. Well, I suppose The Hijack Crew's also good at convincing people that it is a refined organization with the soundest ethics and morals you can imagine, but my point is that the last time I told The Hijack Crew's thralls that I want to stop the Huns at the gate, they declared in response, "But the boogeyman is going to get us if we don't agree to The Hijack Crew's demands." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. Okay, there's no reason for me to be illaudable, so I'll leave you with this concept: I have had enough of The Hijack Crew's untoward principles.
