I finally figured out those commercials that feature "Ted Ferguson: Bud Light Daredevil," a 20-something young man decked out in skating pads, oversized goggles, and a helmet, who attempts to do such impossible feats as listen to his girlfriend talk, stay after work for five minutes ("On a Friday!"), and try to actually watch a couple minutes of a movie his girlfriend selected, only to be saved after a few minutes by a crew rushing in to pour Bud Light into his strained system.

Obviously they are trying to portray how impossible it is for the average drunkard to function at even the most basic level without first getting his load on.

Can't stand your girlfriend's yammering? Get drunk! Work too much to bear? Get drunk!

Yeah, I get it.

I wonder if any drug pushing company has ever before so perfectly translated an addict's self-delusion into an advertising campaign. I wonder how many of this pusher's youthful users have bought into the concept and now imagine themselves as daredevils, bravely conquering everyday life.

I can't wait for the one that takes place at an intervention. When Ted starts screaming for the beer, they can show his flip-top crew locked outside. Ha ha, what a gas. "Bud Light: Ignore them. You need us." It could end with his concerned girlfriend bending in close and saying, "Ted, you do realize there is no crew, don't you? It's all in your imagination, honey. We found all your hidden beers and poured them down the sink."

They can follow that one up with Ted's first AA meeting. When he wakes up screaming for "Bud Light!" after passing out in the middle of a circle of folding chairs, an old codger can wistfully reminisce, "I used to have flying green monkeys who would shoot the Bud into my mouth."

"Bud Light: Better than flying green monkeys. You need us."

Till then ol' Ted can keep imagining he's a "daredevil" and those drinks are his reward for a "stunt" well done. If he gets drunk enough, he might even believe it.